A Final Goodbye

On Tuesday, July 26, we had to put down my dog, Levi. It still saddens me so deeply to think that he is gone. I am writing this to remember the joys he brought into my life and find closure to a chapter that is now behind me.

I first saw Levi at an SPCA adoption event at the Folsom outlets. For quite some time I had been longing for a pet to love, nurture, and call my own. He was the very first dog I saw that day, with his head cocked oddly to one side, a tail that never ceased to wag, and a "grin" that stretched from ear to ear. The excitement I felt was only the beginning of the joy he would bring into my life. My dad suggested the name I ultimately chose, which I soon found out meant "joined together." I think that God brought me and that dog together for his final years.

Levi was already old when I adopted him, but even up until the last few months of his life he had a youthful liveliness and an energized spirit. God blessed me so much with this dog. He was so sweet, and loved every person he encountered with the complete devotion of his heart. He always strived to please, and even though it was hard for him to hear instructions, he constantly did his best to do us well. He had a humorous readiness to drink anything out of our lake, but would refuse to drink out of his water bowl if it had the smallest bit of debris. I will never forget his love of daily walks, and how he would prance through the neighborhood. Yet he had an almost fearful dislike of his harness. I chuckle to recall how he would crazily run about the house after his (unfortunately infrequent) baths. I found he was always eager to get in the car, but became nervous as we drove along (oddly finding comfort in the music used for the Easter productions). I remember how difficult it was to take pictures of him, as he always managed to turn his head away at the last second. It was funny how he had such a special fondness for girls. I remember his panting smile accompanied by horrendous breath. He loved running back and forth throughout our back-yard, as if playing a game of "tag". I remember sleeping with him at my feet on the couch upstairs. Amongst all of these rambled remembrances, I will never forget his limitless devotion, even until his final hours.

I loved that dog so much. But he was in such great pain. His bones never ceased to hurt him, he was became increasingly blind and deaf, he would shake without apparent reason, tired more and more easily, could no longer walk up and down the stairs, was unable to even find us in the same room, and lived in a constant state of pain and confusion. The thing that hurts me most is how hard he tried to hide it, and how much more he suffered that we couldn't even see. Even from the time I got him, I knew that this day would come. Fortunately I was able to say goodbye in multiple ways, and hopefully give him the best conclusion to his life he could have experienced. Even though I was able to prepare myself for this time, it still is really hard to know he's gone. I will miss him terribly, but now I know he is free from pain, and we did the right thing. When God gave us dogs, he gave us a blessing we hardly could have deserved. This may be the end of a chapter, but it will be one I fondly recall till I see you again in heaven.

Goodbye Levi. May you rest in peace.

-Rebekkah

My Fine Arts Essay

Much has happened since I last posted here. I wanted to share with you my first person essay I recently submitted to my district's Fine Arts Festival, an event designed to help students discover and develop their ministry giftings and talents. I hope you enjoy it.

A Journey Towards Love

What does it mean to be compelled by something? Being a shy, even-tempered introvert, I become passionate about very few things, even when it comes to my relationship with Christ. I can't ever recall a time when I didn't consider myself to be one of His followers, but I must admit there were many instances where I had become distant, stagnant, or unwilling to pursue a deeper bond with Him. Over the past few years I have been looking for the areas in my life where I could cross the gap of inconsistencies and come closer to Him. Nearly every youth event I attended would light a burning flame of passion and excitement within me, urging me to draw nearer to my God. The subsequent results, however always remained the same. While I might change my outward behaviors slightly, I would allow my internal connection with God to slip into a passive state of casual attachment. I would ride on the adrenaline rush provided by days and nights of intense spiritual development, but I rarely channeled those excitements toward my internal desire to know more of God.

This year however, my entire perspective was altered. Through Christian books that found their way into my hands, my prayer times with God, and my youth group's aphorism “Love God, Love People,” my view of Jesus Christ as well as my outward reflections of His change in me, slowly began to be transformed. My first realization was that spiritual maturity is not defined by our outward ministry, neither do we become more exalted in God's eyes when we put our talents on display for everyone else to see. Instead, it is in the quiet times of prayer we dedicate to our Lord that we find true fulfillment. The uncelebrated moments are the ones in which we experience Him. Through them He strengthens and prepares us for the time when we will be called upon to use His talents to bring Him honor. I also became conscious that I saw God as One in an audience, a distant spectator viewing my decisions in life. While I viewed Him as One who cared for me and who gave me direction and advice, His voice was always far away, and His presence difficult to recognize. In reality, He is on a journey with me. He lovingly guides my every step, and is always there to comfort me in the hardest of trials. My understanding of Jesus continued to shift as my attention was directed to the inner desire in every girl to find her Prince Charming. While these two subjects may seem altogether extraneous, it soon became clear to me that Jesus Christ is the perfect fulfillment for all my romantic hopes and dreams. My desire to experience never ending love from someone who deeply cherishes me and who would do anything for me can only be fulfilled through my Savior. He is One who delights in my spending time with Him, and Who is prepared to fight for me in the last days. He even committed the greatest act of love known to man, choosing death so that I might be saved. He made the ultimate sacrifice so that through death conquered I could grow to know Him more and spend eternity with Him.

As I came to a new realization of who God truly was, I began to have a growing desire to know Him more. By seeing His love for me in a new light, I became compelled to pursue that love more and return it with the devotion in my own heart. His undeniable love continues to draw me closer. It is a continuing cycle that lights a desire within me to know my Lord more fully and be able to return His love for me, His undeserving child. From this devotion, I am inspired to live in a way that is pleasing to Him. This means altering my actions in life and interaction with others. God charges me to not only show my love towards Him, but to also show that same love toward the people around me. 1 John 1:19 says, “We love, because He first loved us.” My understanding of this verse is that we should strive to love like He loved, simply because He loves us, regardless of our shortcomings. This has been something I have to continually come to God about. Even though He is the perfect picture of love itself, it can be difficult to serve Him completely at all times, much less other individuals who, like myself, fall short and make mistakes. Even though I face this struggle, I cannot resist His call. Only by pouring my time into God can I expect His love to flow out of me. God is the definition of love itself, and His enigmatic nature inspires me to become a better person. Therefore, it is by love that I am compelled to love. I have only to answer His call.

Reflections on Righteousness

Here are some notes I had made about my devotions in Proverbs a little over a month ago. This book is filled with pieces of wisdom, with different ones standing out to us at different points in our lives. On this particular day, many of the verses from the eleventh chapter caught my attention. Here they are (I have the Amplified Version by the way):

Proverbs 11:2 - This verse points out how we often swell up with pride with ourselves, making it seem as if we are all-important and have everything under control, but the reality is that we are consumed with longing, emptiness, and shame within. On the other hand, the lowly and humble "who have been pruned and chiseled" will receive "Godly wisdom and soundness." While I understood the meaning of the word "pruned", I wanted to have a better understanding of how it applied to this verse. Here is Websters definition of the words.

Pruned: Divested (removed and disposed of) and cleared of what is unsuitable and superfluous. (More than is needed; no useful purpose.)

To me, this speaks of how if we turn to God in our times of tribulation and allow him to remove all that is unnecessary, we will come out of the fire purified and more focused on him. It seems that we often cover ourselves with adornments (such as position, talent, or accomplishment) to make ourselves appear important. The problem is that when we focus our efforts on exalting ourselves, we take the focus away from God, not only for ourselves, but for others as well. It is practically impossible to travel on the narrow path our Savior has for us when we are lugging around so much unnecessary baggage. This verse shows how Jesus wants to remove all the excess articles that distract us from him, then desiring to chisel us into the individual he desires for us to become. If we let him remove our self given acclamations, and let him shape us with his loving hands, he will leave his fingerprints on our lives.

Proverbs 11:3 - "The upright shall be guided by integrity..." If we desire to walk in God's path of righteousness, we must be honest in all things, letting Christ's truth guide our steps.

Proverbs 11:6 - "The righteousness of the upright(which resides in every area and relation) shall deliver them..." I need to strive for righteousness in EVERY area of my life. From my public actions, to secret thoughts. From my closest friends to distant acquaintances. I cannot only give Christ a part of me, I must surrender all to him.

Proverbs 11:8 -"The (uncompromisingly) righteous is delivered out of trouble..." Not only do I need to be striving to live faithfully in every area of my life, I must always work towards a lifestyle of purity in order to live in uprightness. While God does not require constant accomplishment or perfection, he does instruct us to continually pursue his holiness.

Proverbs 11:23 - "The desire of the righteous brings only good..." Even my pure hopes and dreams can be used by God, but only if they are wholesome and blameless in his sight. That includes motive.

On another note...

Proverbs 11:16 - "A gracious and good woman wins honor for her husband...but a woman who hates righteousness is a throne of dishonor for him." Even before I am married, I need to strive to honor my future husband by living an upright life.