Painting Lillie / A Currier and Ives Christmas

For the past fifty-six years, my church has put on a Broadway-style Christmas production known as the Singing Christmas Tree, an outreach that has been directed by my father for the past seven years. With a full orchestra, drama, choreography teams, children's chorale, costumes, massive sets and decorations, and a 30 foot tall tree structure filled with choir members to top it all off, this is hardly your average church Christmas play. The production takes a full year of planning and nearly 400 volunteers to bring the original vision into fruition.

I have been involved in the SCT since the time I was born, playing baby Jesus as a 3 week old. Since my family moved back to California my involvement ranged from being in the children's chorale, to drama, then the apprentice choreography team. This year, I was cast as the lead role, and it has been incredibly humbling to see how God developed me through these past 5 months of rehearsals.

I first heard about the main role while I was sitting in my Dad's office, listening to him brainstorm  with his team. The story would be set in 1895 New York City, with the main character coming on a train from somewhere in the Mid-West in order to follow her dreams of becoming an illustrator for Currier and Ives, just like Fanny Palmer (an actual historical figure). On the journey there, the main character, Lillie Gardner, would lose her portfolio and consequently be denied the illustrator job. This, however, does not upset Lillie in the least. She radiates positivity and confidence, knowing that her future lies secure in God's hands and that He will lead her to much better things than she could ever imagine. In past SCTs, the main character is in a place of struggle, and is led to the truth of what Christ did for him/her through the other characters. This year's lead, however, already has the answer, and it is she who transforms everyone she comes in contact with. As I heard my dad describe this part, I felt a tugging on my heart. I thought, "I would love to play that part," but these faint thoughts were promptly dispelled as other people's names were thrown out as possibilities for the role. "Oh well," I thought. "Perhaps I will get a role as one of the factory girls. I'm sure I wouldn't have been able to handle that big of a part anyway."

When auditions rolled around I still possessed the hope that perhaps, if God willed it, I might obtain the role. Maybe, just maybe, I would have what it took... As the audition progressed I found myself reading Lillie's lines, and feeling like these words were meant for me. Not that I needed to be the one to express them or that this character was just like me, but that I needed to hear the message in her heart. I sensed that God was speaking to me, teaching me, gently replacing my thoughts with His perfect truth. Here is the line I most remember touching my spirit...

"I'll admit this is a definite change in plans, but it is not a setback. Nor does it call for me to respond in panic, fear, worry, or tears. Tears are precious and purposeful, for showing empathy and compassion to others, but certainly not for self-pity. No, the good Lord guards my steps, and guides me on the paths that I tread. He led me here, and if it's not to get a job as an artist, than for another purpose."

I had always been one that had to have everything just so. An inflexible perfectionist who often became anxious and upset if things weren't going the way I planned. This entire year the Lord has been working on me, showing me how to surrender every aspect of my life to Him. I knew in my head that God's plan was the best, that He cared deeply and intimately for me and had everything under control, but I had a difficult time believing it in my stressful moments. As I spoke these words during the audition, I felt them cut me to the core. I had spent so much time in my life "crying over spilled milk" so to speak, rather than showing sympathy for others who were going through far worse times. Though Lillie's dream fell to pieces before her eyes, she was able to bless God's name, and thank Him for the new direction she trusted He would provide for her life. I wanted faith like that.

I was certainly surprised when I found I had been cast as the lead, not to mention unsure if I would be able to carry a whole show, but I trusted that I was given this position by God's design, and that He would provide me with the strength and ability I needed in order to share this year's Christmas message in the way He intended. It is hard to even describe all the ways the Lord has shaped me during this past season. Through this role, He has taught me how to trust and rely on Him in ways that I never would have been able to before. I have grown and matured so much these past few months, both as a performer and an individual. I thank God for this incredible opportunity that has allowed me to touch others' lives, while having my own transformed as well. It will be thrilling to see how God's plan for my future will unfold. I eagerly anticipate the adventure that awaits.