“Downton Abbey” at the SAG Awards
It goes without saying that Americans love television. It is estimated that “We the People” watch about four hours of T.V. a day, and what better way to quench our ever consuming desire for moving pictures and indulgent oversized couches than by watching television programs about television programs. The Screen Actors Guild Awards took place this past January, presenting thirteen different awards to honor performers exclusively. These kind of award shows offer the public the singular delight of watching their favorite faces don personally selected costumes and utter self-authored lines. While we have seen our own Hollywood actors execute such performances with breathless sincerity, this year’s SAG Awards made it possible for us to judge how our British counterparts were able to offer up their own imitations of spontaneity.
The cast of the highly acclaimed “Downton Abbey” were presented with the award for best ensemble in a drama series, and from the first moment their win was announced they were off to a good start. The likes of Mrs. Hughes, Mary Crawley, Tom Branson, Daisy, and Ethel (Their real names are of little to no consequence because the characters they portray already have claim to their facades within the minds of the cultured public.) were apparently shocked when their ensemble was announced as winner. The surprised ecstasy the group wore upon their faces as they made their way up to the stage was a joy to watch, and a wise move on the part of these seasoned performers. They knew well how their artful display of humility and undeservedness could only make their viewers adore them more. It would have appeared to any onlooker that these individuals were totally ignorant of their own brilliance, and therefore, all the more deserving of praise.
A breathless Mrs. Hughes took the mic to express her thanks. While her choice of dress made her appear like she was bidding for a role in “Mad Men”, there can be little doubt that she knew her own party to be far superior to the retro-American wannabes who were also in attendance. With eyes sparkling, Mrs. Hughes uttered, “Shut the french windows! We were not expecting this.” Although she might as well have said, “Take THAT, you bunch of Yankees!”, for we all know that Britain has never relinquished its grudge against its former colony, passing animosity from one generation to the next. Mr. Pamuk is only a foreshadowing of how the mother country of a once sprawling empire intends to seduce us with boy bands and accents, until they recall their agents and leave us heartbroken and withdrawn, unable to cope with life any longer. PBS really stands for “Popularizing British Supremacy,” and Julian Fellowes is actually a secret agent trained in Subconscious British-Dependency Conditioning. But who cares if all this comes to pass? As long as we are entertained, nothing else matters!
On the note of entertainment, the “Downton Abbey” fan will want to note the specific phrase Mrs. Hughes used to communicate her disbelief. The unusual exclamation, surely reveals some future hidden plot twist for the upcoming season of the show. Perhaps it indicates the discovery of someone’s long lost Parisian flame that threatens to surround the Downton household in scandal. On the other hand it could have a much more modern connotation: That princess Kate will be declining all French designers' proposals to outfit her royal child. Daisy’s choice to wear yellow to the SAG Awards, a definitive sign of ambassadorship for the Queen, silently expressed the matriarch’s firm endorsement of this decision.
Backstage, a cast member joked that they thought their large ensemble would be bypassed so that the people behind the SAG Awards could save money by not having to purchase so many statues. Of course, our own investigation reveals that this is simply more subconscious conditioning designed to get Americans to buy more things made in Great Britain, doubtless a part of Parliament's plan to stimulate their economy. As for myself, I shall have no tea.
