What does it mean to be compelled by something? Being a shy, even-tempered introvert, I become passionate about very few things, even when it comes to my relationship with Christ. I can't ever recall a time when I didn't consider myself to be one of His followers, but I must admit there were many instances where I had become distant, stagnant, or unwilling to pursue a deeper bond with Him. Over the past few years I have been looking for the areas in my life where I could cross the gap of inconsistencies and come closer to Him. Nearly every youth event I attended would light a burning flame of passion and excitement within me, urging me to draw nearer to my God. The subsequent results, however always remained the same. While I might change my outward behaviors slightly, I would allow my internal connection with God to slip into a passive state of casual attachment. I would ride on the adrenaline rush provided by days and nights of intense spiritual development, but I rarely channeled those excitements toward my internal desire to know more of God.
This year however, my entire perspective was altered. Through Christian books that found their way into my hands, my prayer times with God, and my youth group's aphorism “Love God, Love People,” my view of Jesus Christ as well as my outward reflections of His change in me, slowly began to be transformed. My first realization was that spiritual maturity is not defined by our outward ministry, neither do we become more exalted in God's eyes when we put our talents on display for everyone else to see. Instead, it is in the quiet times of prayer we dedicate to our Lord that we find true fulfillment. The uncelebrated moments are the ones in which we experience Him. Through them He strengthens and prepares us for the time when we will be called upon to use His talents to bring Him honor. I also became conscious that I saw God as One in an audience, a distant spectator viewing my decisions in life. While I viewed Him as One who cared for me and who gave me direction and advice, His voice was always far away, and His presence difficult to recognize. In reality, He is on a journey with me. He lovingly guides my every step, and is always there to comfort me in the hardest of trials. My understanding of Jesus continued to shift as my attention was directed to the inner desire in every girl to find her Prince Charming. While these two subjects may seem altogether extraneous, it soon became clear to me that Jesus Christ is the perfect fulfillment for all my romantic hopes and dreams. My desire to experience never ending love from someone who deeply cherishes me and who would do anything for me can only be fulfilled through my Savior. He is One who delights in my spending time with Him, and Who is prepared to fight for me in the last days. He even committed the greatest act of love known to man, choosing death so that I might be saved. He made the ultimate sacrifice so that through death conquered I could grow to know Him more and spend eternity with Him.
As I came to a new realization of who God truly was, I began to have a growing desire to know Him more. By seeing His love for me in a new light, I became compelled to pursue that love more and return it with the devotion in my own heart. His undeniable love continues to draw me closer. It is a continuing cycle that lights a desire within me to know my Lord more fully and be able to return His love for me, His undeserving child. From this devotion, I am inspired to live in a way that is pleasing to Him. This means altering my actions in life and interaction with others. God charges me to not only show my love towards Him, but to also show that same love toward the people around me. 1 John 1:19 says, “We love, because He first loved us.” My understanding of this verse is that we should strive to love like He loved, simply because He loves us, regardless of our shortcomings. This has been something I have to continually come to God about. Even though He is the perfect picture of love itself, it can be difficult to serve Him completely at all times, much less other individuals who, like myself, fall short and make mistakes. Even though I face this struggle, I cannot resist His call. Only by pouring my time into God can I expect His love to flow out of me. God is the definition of love itself, and His enigmatic nature inspires me to become a better person. Therefore, it is by love that I am compelled to love. I have only to answer His call.
